(here's two for one)
I never realized however that God would be using all the negative feelings and circumstances I had experienced in life, to form my personality and how I live my life today. He knew exactly where I was and where I was going. He didn't let me in on it then, but I get it now.
I cannot express how proud I am of my folks. All of that pain and heartache I thought I was living with, has melted away in me . I would give an arm and a leg to have them back. I would watch and listen and even obey so differently than I did. I think I could have done my adult years so much better, even though they messed up alot.
Their hard life and the way they played it out, made me brave. Because of where I came from, I would learn how to survive. I would survive not only the circumstances of life, but also the consequences of my own decisions and stupidity many a time. I was also to gain an understanding of children and how to be empathetic of their fear and feelings of isolation when they were different than others. Or when their parents messed up their own lives or didn't understand them, I always felt that I needed to become some sort of a shield to protect them. I always wanted the underdog child to conquer.
Looking back , I can clearly see how my own running away from the rough things at home and running away from God, only led me to a deeper dependence on Him in my future in a way that has been tested beyond my limits many times. If someone tells you "God never allows you more than you can bear" don't believe them. It's not even written in the Bible that way. Of course He allows you more than you can bear, if He didn't, you would never have to learn how to go to Him for help and learn how to lean on Him. (1 Corinthians 10:13) "And God is faithful; he will not let you be 'tempted' beyond what you can bear". Speaks of temptation of sin, not trials that you will go through. It's a truth we all need to remember and apply.
My teenage years,
Because I was becoming a true child of the "sixties", with absolutely no direction in my life, the rebellious teenage years were upon me. I began messing up my life more and more. In the process of that, I met the young, handsome Viet Nam Veteran who took up residence in my heart and wouldn't leave, he still resides there today. We were a perfect match because he had no direction either. Our lives together started out like a turbulent storm. He wasn't even 20 yrs old and had already spent nearly 2 yrs. fighting a war. He too was out there trying to prove something but not knowing what. He was in process of messing up his own life. So we ignorantly but merrily meshed our rebellious spirits together and moved quickly into the hippie world of the "seventies" (minus the flowers in our hair, and Woodstock).
My soldier boy was raised on a farm just outside of Wayland Mi. They were a good Catholic family and had a total of 11 children. It makes me smile every time I ever think of it, but he was actually a little alter boy in his youth. Very cute. If someone would have told this young protestant girl that she was going to grow up and marry a Catholic alter boy, she would have been mortified and positive that she was indeed destined to hell. He was raised Catholic and back in the day he was told he could never marry a protestant and become one. Back in that same day I was told I could never marry a catholic boy and become one. So, these two rebels got married, making it very difficult for our families to like us much at the time. They still managed to support us in our decision however.
It took a little while to sort out all the ideas and beliefs, but we figured it out with alot of Gods help and family love as we went forward, carrying alot of baggage, but able to leave it behind because of Gods grace which knows no boundaries. Not until later in life did we figure out the "TRUTH". The truth does not lie in whatever religion we were raised in. The "TRUTH" lies in Scripture itself. The Bible, The Word of God Himself, His love letter to His Children.
2 Timothy 3:16, "All Scripture is God-breathed, (isn't that the coolest thought) and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and TRAINING IN RIGHTEOUSNESS, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."
It teaches us about the Person of Jesus Christ and how to obtain Salvation through Him, not church traditions. IT teaches us. Not that we should give up our churches, no way, but we all have to know where "truth" comes from in our Christian faith. Oh the different faiths in Heaven that think they are the only ones up there. Guess what?
We had several friends during those turbulent years that carried the same thoughts and ideas of what life in the seventies was supposed to be , although looking back I think our main focus was to not have thoughts and ideas. Still do not know how we managed to survive. Still trying to sort out what was fun and should be remembered, and what was just plain wrong and not talked about anymore. I've left all that junk with God. Forgiveness is a wonderful thing. I must add however, that many of those "really cool" people we hung out with, are still "really cool" people whom we still love, but just like us are no longer power driving themselves into oblivion any more. Many of us did survive that era believe it or not and are better people because of it. God is good, God is patient and forgiving. He does love and rescue the blind and the arrogant , who sin alot. I was far far from home in more ways than one back then.
The days ahead would be life changing with eternal results and I will never forget them. They are what grounded us....................